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Why You Shouldn't Jump on the Bed

Jumping on the bed can and will kill you!

Jumping on a bed causes repeated damage to the structure, weakening it microscopically and building up either tiny fractures in a wooden frame or metal fatigue in a metal frame. It is impossible to predict what part of a bed will fail first, or how soon, but each bounce could be the last bounce you ever make on that bed. It could take hundreds of thousands of jumps, or the bed could collapse on the first bounce.

When the bed does collapse, it will do so unevenly. Part of the bed will break, and the mattress and box spring will tilt, causing you to spring off in an unpredictable direction. You will be in mid-bounce when the bed collapses, and unable to stop yourself from diving head-first into a wall at the full strength of your legs, with added force from the springs in your mattress.

When your head forcibly strikes the wall, you will suffer a severe concussion, and the sudden shock will cause immediate loss of consciousness. When your body goes limp, gravity will pull you down and cause secondary injuries, perhaps breaking your nose on a headboard or side table. A second concussion against the floor is also a possibility, as is the loss of an eye.

Eventually the swelling in your brain and blood loss will cause your death. However, this is a relatively slow process and not your main concern.

Depending on the angle of your dive towards the wall, you may break your neck outright, severing your spine. The forceful impact of your skull against the wall directly perpendicular with your spine is no better outcome, as the waves of force shred your delicate nerve tissue amid crushing and splintering bones in your neck and back.

With no autonomous signals from your brain reaching your organs, their function will be disrupted. Your diaphragm will no longer facilitate the exchange of gases in your lungs, which will have a number of deleterious effects. No new oxygen reaching your brain will cause damage and death in four to six minutes. Your heart will continue to beat after the severing of your spinal cord, however cardiac tissue will be damaged by lack of oxygen and increased carbon dioxide levels, and your heart will begin beating more erratically as parts of it shut down. With a lack of blood flow through your body, various toxins will build up in your organs, causing additional damage throughout your body. Carbon dioxide, an acid, ravages body tissues of all sorts, and your soon lifeless corpse will begin to sweat profusely, and even tremor. This, however, is not the worst case scenario.

When you first lose consciousness, and your body spasms from sudden loss of central motor control, you will likely cause yourself further traumatic injury, striking objects near your bed. This may include table lamps, a glass of water, decorative items such as vases, mirrors, picture frames, even collections of rocks that contain sharp crystals or jagged edges. All of these potentially sharp objects can become lodged into your body as you fall or spasm on the floor or broken bed.

The femoral, brachial, and carotid arteries can all cause rapid blood loss as your heart pumps faster and faster, dropping blood pressures in your body even before your lungs cease to function and hypoxia sets in. A particularly forceful fall may even cause you to puncture your aorta or pulmonary vessels. All of these outcomes result in faster death than mere pulmonary failure. Depending on the extent of your injuries, you may bleed out in seconds.

Additionally, a broken lamp, alarm clock, or other electrical devices and sockets may cause electrocution, with your sweat and blood acting as a conduit for electrical currents to flow through your body, burning your organs, frying your brain, and stopping your heart instantaneously. Electrical fire is also likely, as sparks from damaged electronics your body strikes leap out and hit the highly flammable bedding. Your unconscious, electrocuted, bleeding and broken body will be consumed rapidly in flame as your bedroom burns through the readily available wood and cloth.